It is Not Okay
Full Moon | April 26, 2021 | 7 Scorpio 7’
It is better to be not okay with some ill-fitting enterprise than to be okay with it. Not okay is the first stage of spiritual unfoldment. Not okay says, wait a minute. I am a free person. I can have what I want to have. How is it that I do not feel free? What foolishness is encumbering me? Not, what situation outside of me is limiting me, but what am I doing, saying, thinking that is off the mark? Why am I moving to a tune that does not inspire me, that feels like a dirge, not a dance?
The Sun in Taurus is conjunct Uranus in Taurus, but square Saturn in Aquarius. Uranus represents absence of limits, while Saturn says, this is not working. I cannot work with this. It is not saying that you are bad, just that you are off the mark to make what you want. The Moon in Scorpio also squares Saturn. It may be that while you are doing what comes natural in response to your habit of thought, you are acting contrary to your true desires and that will not get you to where you want to be.
The trouble might be in what you believe or do not believe. Can you see yourself doing what you want to do or is the too-good mother ruining things for you, telling you that you could fall or fail, so why chance it? The too-good mother is a concept that I got from Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book, Women who run with the Wolves. It could be represented in this chart by Ceres, asteroid for mother, in Aries in Taurus’ 12th. Moon, also mother, in Scorpio squares Saturn in Aquarius.
Estes counsels, “Accept that the ever-watchful, hovering, protective psychic mother is not adequate as a central guide for one’s future instinctual life. [Allow the too-good mother to die]. Taking on the task of being on one’s own, developing one’s own consciousness about danger, intrigue, politic, becoming alert by oneself, for oneself, letting die what must die [is the way to live]. As the too-good mother dies, the new woman is born.”
Trying to stay safe or trying not to make a mistake, can leave you behind bars when your release date has come. How do you talk to yourself? Are you bold and fearless and ready for adventure, or are you thinking, I had better not or what if? What if you fail (failures can serve as guides)? Yes. But what if you succeed? You must go to know—go to grow.
You must practice. It occurs to me that when you are done with a situation but cannot leave, it is because you think you have nowhere to go. The right way to look at this is you have been creating only this cornering experience. You have not been building a bridge to your next thing because you have been ignoring your inner teacher, your Taurus, your bridge maker. In Qabalah, Taurus is the Hierophant who is also called pontifex or bridge maker. Taurus is “I have” and what you have is an inner voice that guides you, which you might be ignoring in the face of worldly challenges that are more concrete and convincing to your untrained eye and your uncultivated desires.
In the beginning was the word. When you hear and heed your intuition, you verify and confirm it by your action and by staying true to your values. Then you are connected to or hooked up with the next thing. Taurus is the natural ruler of the 2nd house, which is designated a succedent house. Two is succession. Two duplicates. Duplicate what you hear.
Clarissa talks about the instinctual life. This may be one way to look at Aries and Taurus—Inner Vision, and Inner Hearing. To be instinctual is to not be second guessing. This comes only with practice. What you do depends on what you have done.
Do something fun even if something “important” is left undone. Knit, walk, swim, write a poem or a song. Do you value what you love? Do you think that pleasant thing that makes you feel good is worth something? Do you think chores (excluding what brings you joy) are what makes your heart sing and your life hum? That is a negative Saturn talking. Stay in bondage to it and you stay in bondage. Remember that Saturn meets its highest expression in Libra (balance). All work and no play is not the law. Libra is Venus-ruled. Love, beauty, harmony, and fecundity are the law!