New Moon
December 16, 2009
24 Sagittarius 40’
“Don’t kill yourself,” my inner voice instructed.
This is Pluto square Saturn in a nutshell. It is transformation and form. It is force and form. You need to have yourself to be your better self. You need the icky, yucky, sticky you to turn into the triumphant you. Don’t kill yourself. That is like stepping on the caterpillar, dooming its chance to become a butterfly. All you need is love for yourself.
This admonition came to me because I got a flat tire and a failed starter on the trip from the dentist’s office. When I got home after these two “unrelated” breakdowns, I read my journal entry from that morning and then realized what happened. My entry revealed that basically I was sick of me. I wanted the better me.
I “killed” myself. I rejected the part of myself that was not up to snuff. I wanted to snuff her out and get on with it. My car, an outer vehicle with an energy system, was reflecting my inner condition. I had to make a serious adjustment. Ultimately I had to get a new start(er). But this was so that I could recognize that metamorphosis or transformation is a process where you take the old and let it become the new. That is how you take care of the old. You don’t kill it. You don’t tell it to stop. You don’t tell it it’s no good. You let it peel its new shape out of the old shape. You let it turn into the beauty it was all along.
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In 2001, I was at a point in my life where I wanted to live the principles that I believed. I didn’t want to settle for lip service. You know, like when you say,” God will take care of me” and then your shake with worry and quake with fear. I still practice letting Good speak in the ordinary every day ness of my life. I know for sure that there is an intelligence that I interact with and cooperate with.
Now I am at a point to take this to yet another level as I become conscious that there is a day that I will literally step out of this mortal coil.
The Voice says, “Inez. You are going to have to be brave here and recognize always that you are forever, that you will not die and you will not be ruined. You have to practice eternal life. Have fun and joy.”
There is story in the substance of all appearances.
What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the Sun? This New Moon in Sagittarius squares Uranus in Pisces. Inspiration (Sagittarius) squares Imagination (Pisces). Sagittarius square Pisces is where the fiery zeal of a thing meets faith or doubt. Faith allows you to receive your inspiration in form. Doubt makes you fumble it.
The New Moon is square Uranus in Pisces and the classic interpretation is to expect the unexpected. Expect that something might break down or someone might break up. Disruptions in the home might occur. You or someone else might blow emotionally and act suddenly and irrationally. If you are feeling confined, you just can’t take it anymore.
The outer is a marker for the inner. The inner might be said to be the story that is the substance of all appearances. And you are the author of that story. And there are many contributors to the story, known and unknown. But always you are the center of expression. You are the writer.
Yet, I have heard writers say that they did things to their characters that it broke their hearts to do. One would say, well, you are the writer. You didn’t have to let her fall or fail or die. But the writer is an instrument. The story is telling itself through you. You pick up your pen or your tap your keys. You make yourself available to the story. You write. You delete. You shape. You structure, and you may well be surprised by what is wrought.
Mark Twain says that you can’t depend on your eyes if your imagination is out of focus. Seeing is a creative matter. That is why you live and write your story at the same time. Writing the story is called making choices.
If we get too caught up in the outer, we miss the inner cause. Within is where we have the power. There is only so much that we can do with our hands. Hence we have the expression, “It’s out of our hands.” We are building a world without using our hands.
Thank you, Inez,
For your exacting and hopeful process!
CC